The Phrases given by My Father That Helped Us as a First-Time Father

"I think I was just in survival mode for the first year."

Former reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the difficulties of becoming a dad.

Yet the reality rapidly proved to be "very different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health problems surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was forced into becoming her main carer while also taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, every nappy change… every walk. The job of both parents," Ryan shared.

Following 11 months he became exhausted. That was when a chat with his father, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The direct words "You are not in a good place. You must get support. How can I help you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and start recovering.

His story is not uncommon, but infrequently talked about. While the public is now more comfortable addressing the strain on mothers and about PND, far less attention is paid about the challenges new fathers go through.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his struggles are part of a broader inability to open up between men, who often absorb harmful ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and remains standing with each wave."

"It is not a show of weakness to request help. I failed to do that soon enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, says men frequently refuse to accept they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - especially ahead of a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental well-being is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the opportunity to request a respite - spending a short trip abroad, away from the home environment, to gain perspective.

He came to see he had to make a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states alongside the practical tasks of caring for a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd failed to notice "what she needed" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has changed how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he matures.

Ryan believes these will assist his son to better grasp the vocabulary of feelings and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The notion of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen was without reliable male a father figure. Even with having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, profound trauma meant his father struggled to cope and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing feelings led him to make "bad choices" when he was younger to modify how he was feeling, finding solace in substance use as a way out from the pain.

"You find your way to behaviours that don't help," he explains. "They might temporarily change how you feel, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Tips for Getting By as a New Father

• Talk to someone - if you feel under pressure, speak to a trusted person, your spouse or a counsellor about your state of mind. This can to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the activities that allowed you to feel like the person you were before having a baby. It could be playing sport, socialising or gaming.
• Look after the physical health - nutritious food, physical activity and if you can, sleep, all play a role in how your emotional health is coping.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - hearing about their experiences, the difficult parts, along with the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that requesting help does not mean you've failed - prioritising your own well-being is the most effective way you can care for your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the death, having been out of touch with him for years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead provide the security and emotional guidance he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the feelings in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men due to the fact that they acknowledged their issues, transformed how they talk, and learned to manage themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… processing things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I wrote, at times I think my role is to guide and direct you on life, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I'm learning just as much as you are through this experience."